I think it’s only natural to arrive at the start of a fresh new year and take inventory. Where have we been? Where are we going? What is God calling us to in 2015? Did we follow him faithfully in 2014? Are we following Him faithfully today? I’m not really a “resolution” type of girl. I learned years ago that the likelihood of me breaking any resolution I make on or before January 5th is almost a surety, and since I don’t want to bring shame on myself so early in a new year it’s best to not “resolve” to do or not do anything. I do however, think over the past year as well as the one ahead to try and figure out where this crazy roller coaster I call my life is headed.
First of all, 2014. Ten years from now, will this stand out as a year to remember fondly? Yes and no. We started out the year as we did the two before it, asking the Lord to make our family of two (plus two rascal dogs) into three. There was such a hope that this would be the year our Christmas card would include a little one, and that we would join the ranks of our friends with a sweet introduction of a new family member on the all-important Facebook post. Of course, there were other hopes for the year, probably not too dissimilar from all of yours: lose weight, get healthy, pay off debt, be more organized… Well, the Christmas card was mailed with just the two of us (and said rascals). Skinny-nope, healthy-probably not, out of debt-we’re Americans for the love, organized-I cleaned out my purse yesterday, that count? I have to be fair to 2014 though, and say that the Lord showed himself to be absolutely huge to us this year. We had a garage sale to raise adoption funds that was an absolute miracle in every possible sense of the word. I could (and do) still just bawl about how sweet the body of Christ was to our little family in that time. It was confirmation to our tender hearts that we were loved, supported, and pursuing something that Jesus was with us on. I still thank God nearly every day for that experience, the people who were a part of it, and a sweet friend who said, “maybe we could have a little garage sale to get your adoption account started”. Just a few weeks later, we got to host our sweet Adrine (our sponsored child from Uganda). The weeks the choir was in the US and the weekend she was in my very own house changed me, and I will forever view the world through different eyes because of that girl. I pray one day that the Lord allows me to see her and the land she calls home with my own eyes. I got to walk through pregnancy with one of my very best girlfriends, and press my ear to the door to hear that little boy’s very first cry. It’s been so great to watch her become a mama, and snuggle that precious boy. There were many more priceless moments with friends and family that were little pieces of heaven right here on this broken earth. Yes, my Jesus has been faithful and good just like he promised. It’s also been a hard year. Just like anyone else, there was disappointment, hard days at work, hard days at home, heart wrenching illness and loss, and all kinds of situations that made me wish for Jesus to come and rescue us from all of the suffering. It would be easier to count the days that I didn’t cry over the child we don’t have than the ones I did. (If you ever pass me in the car on the way to work with a Kleenex, just keep on driving-that is my safe place to have all the emotions all by myself)
So, what’s next? Well, we keep praying. We try and hold on to what we know to be true, and press hard into what we’re called to now. Practically-we seek out other agencies who might be able to help us bring home Baby Lamb. I’m sure I’ll keep reading all the books and blogs I can get my hands on that try and prepare parents who are adopting. (I’ll try not to let the sheer volume of the material or the warnings about potential problems overwhelm me.) I’m going to try and love my people well, and make sure they never have to wonder how grateful I am for the gift of them. I really wold like to enjoy all the little moments, and not just rush through them to get to the next thing. And perhaps I’ll eat a salad or two, but let’s not get too ambitious! Mostly, I want to sit on the edge of 2016, and know that I love Jesus more than ever before.