I got a call from the adoption agency/maternity home a week after our initial meeting. The birth mother liked us, but had more questions. Great! Bring them on! The problem was that the woman in charge of the ministry was going out of town, so we couldn’t meet for another week-basically two weeks after our initial meeting. I tried to make the meeting happen sooner, but it wasn’t possible so we had to wait another week, and then who knows how much after that before she would make a choice. We had absolutely no idea what type of questions she would ask or whether the other family she was considering was meeting with her more or not. It was a difficult week of waiting for sure.
The day FINALLY came when we could meet, and I was a hot mess! I was trying so hard to hold it together, but I truly had no idea what we were walking into. At some points I had convinced myself that she was meeting with us to let us know that she hadn’t picked us, and at others I thought she would still need weeks to make a decision. The agency had asked me if they could take some video before our meeting for their website because they are a new ministry and just getting started. I am not one to jump in front of any camera ever, but at that point I would have walked across hot coals and swallowed glass shards if I thought it would get us closer to an answer. So I slapped on some lipgloss and tried to compose myself when we got to the meeting. We sat down and nervously joked about I don’t even know what while they got the camera set up. Then she let us know that she wanted to ask us some more personal questions. Sister, at this point there is nothing I wouldn’t answer so COME ON! She asked about whether we had been considered by a birth mother before, and if we had discussed any names yet. No, and not really (KJ thought picking out a name would make it harder if we didn’t get picked). Then she said that she would be honored if we would adopt her baby and give her a good home. It seems so simple, but that sentence changed everything about our whole world for the rest of ever. All three of us cried, and I held her hand and tried to process what was happening right that very minute. I tried to place myself in her position, and wondered how in heaven’s name I would make that kind of a decision. I thought about the fact that in a few short weeks she will give birth to a daughter that she will grieve. That at the very moment we are staring at the face of the fulfillment of God’s promise in our lives, she will be recovering from giving birth to a baby she won’t hold. That no matter how many days or miles separate us in the future, my life is forever knit together with hers because we will mother this little girl. She LOVES her daughter, and is making an incredibly brave choice to place her into our arms. She knows and feels peace that this is the decision that the Lord has for her and her child, but of all the things the Lord could ask of us this has to be one of the hardest. We pray that she will continue to have supernatural peace that her decision is the right one, and that she would be comforted as she goes through all that is next.
So now we start the whirlwind! We begin to plan to welcome our daughter into our home in about a month. There’s bottles to wash, onesies to buy, calls to make and oh the anticipation. It’s all wonderful and, I imagine, much like what a couple who is pregnant experiences only compacted in time and multiplied in intensity. We feel good about the birth mother and her certainty in the decision, but she could still change her mind. We are praying with all we can that doesn’t happen. I’m not sure we’ve even allowed it to sink in what is happening. I guess that happens at some point…
Dear Sweet Baby Girl,
I found out this week that your mom has chosen us to be your parents. There aren’t words for that moment. I held her hand, and stared at her crying for a few minutes before I could even say one word. I thought about how at that very second the two women who would love you most in all the world were inches from each other with you between us. How her story was now forever a part of mine. She loves you, sweet one, so very much. She is making a brave and selfless choice to place you in our care. Your daddy and I don’t take that trust lightly at all. We know that long before God began to knit you in her womb, he placed you in our hearts. We have prayed for her and for you for years. We have sought you out. The Lord gave us signs along the way that we should keep going, but there were long stretches where we wondered if we’d ever get to know you. Now we are weeks away from when you will be born. We’re making all the preparations to bring you home and begin our life with you. So many people have prayed for you and wanted you for so long. I cannot imagine another baby that has been rejoiced over more by more people. Your story is already set up to be amazing and awe inspiring. I felt you move, and saw a sonogram picture of you, and I wondered if you somehow know you’re ours. I hope to one day be able to somehow explain to you all about God’s hand in bringing you to us. How we have waited, longed, prayed for and hoped for you. How every single second of the difficult wait is so worth it to get to be your mommy. Your daddy and I are not perfect people, and won’t be perfect parents, but my goodness will we try. There’s not anything we won’t do for you, and we haven’t even laid eyes on you yet. We want so badly to be able to keep you happy, healthy and secure. We want you to fall in love with Jesus-HARD, and early. We pray He captures your heart before you know what hit you, and that you’re never satisfied without Him and you never get enough of Him. The way you’re coming to us is nothing short of incredible, and I will NEVER get over it. You will have the unique privilege of being loved by two mommies and a daddy. Your birth mother took care to get you into the world, and is making a choice for your good that is very hard for her. Your daddy and I have waited for years for you, and wanted you more than anything else. We will feed you, rock you to sleep, check your closet for monsters, take you to school, watch you play sports or twirl in your tutu (or both), hold you when somebody’s been mean to you, put a princess band-aid on your skinned knees, teach you to drive and reluctantly release you to the roads-maybe, zip your prom dress, help you with your graduation cap, cry when you leave for college, watch you walk an aisle to the man God has for you and so many other little and huge moments. In every one of those moments, we will be so grateful that God chose you just for us. We love you so very, very much little one. You are our Baby Lamb.
Love, Mommy and Daddy