This is a combination of a couple of posts that I had half-written waiting to be finished. So it’s a little disjointed!
The whole adoption process is a bit of a head trip. One thing that is required is a home study. It’s a process where a person meets with the potential adoptive parents to help determine whether or not they’re eligible to adopt. We didn’t really know what to expect, so I was as calm about it as you probably imagine. The person who conducted our home study is named Tim, and he’s British. On my first phone call with Tim he told me that he wanted us to be ourselves, and not to worry about being in “top form” for our meetings. Yeah sure, Tim, you’re determining whether we get to have a baby or not, so we’ll be cool and loose around you. We’ll parade all of our crazy out in front of you so you can record it in documents that will be filed with a court.
Our home study was four visits-two together and one meeting each separately. The meetings lasted about 3 hours each and included questions about every possible aspect of our lives. We were asked about our childhoods, relationships with our families, relationship with each other-IN DETAIL and our thoughts and plans for parenting. There was also a home visit where he inspected our house inside and out to determine if our house is baby ready. Listen, I know that they have to check and be sure that we’re not a liability, and I get that they have to dig to make sure placing with a child with us is safe. I’ve heard about some of the atrocities that children suffered at the hands of people who promised to love and protect them. I know they have to be sure we’re not that kind of people. But. To sit for hours with a stranger asking about every corner of your life for the purpose of analyzing you does a number on you.
The good news is that we are done with that! We finished all of our interviews, and apparently we sufficiently hid our crazy because Tim submitted our home study to the agency and deemed us “acceptable” for parenting. So, if we do in fact get a little one who grows up to complain about us not being good parents-I’m sending them to Tim since he said we could do it!
The next thing we had to do was create a “Life Book” that the birth mothers will look at to determine who they want to parent their child. I’m still unsure of what the ideal thing to show to a girl who finds herself looking for someone to parent her child is. Everyone just advised us to be ourselves and that would be enough. It’s kind of like when I tried out for my high school’s drill team, only I don’ t know the dance routine, I’ve never even heard the song I’m supposed to dance to, and I’m trying to do high kicks wearing cement blocks for shoes.
We I agonized over what to say, what pictures to use and every other possible detail, but the book is finally done and in the hands of the agency to show to birth mothers.
Now we have started what is the hardest part of this whole process so far-we wait. There is no more paper to fill out, appointment to set up or active step for us to take. We have no idea if or when our book will be shown to a birth mother. We don’t know if there are any birth mothers with our agency right now who have chosen adoption. We will probably hear little to no news until we get a call that we have been chosen by a birth mother. That call could come anytime between now and never. We are trying to live life as normally as possible without letting this consume us. If you know us or our family, you probably know that we are failing miserably at that goal. Every decision is going through the filter of “What if we have a baby…” It’s not all terrible. The excitement of possibility is fun. We are trying to be very conscientious about our spending since we still have a long way to go to raise the money to adopt, and don’t even get me started on the financial side of caring for a baby! We are watching those around us with children of all ages, and talking about how we would parent in this situation or that. However, I am a do-er. Through all of the fertility treatments, as hard as it was, it felt like I was at least doing something. Up until now in the adoption process, moving forward was dependent on us doing something. Now all of that grinds to a halt, and all we can do is pray and wait.
We are trying to keep ourselves busy to limit
our my obsession with the what if and when. Thank the Lord for relatives with a nice pool for hot summer weekends. We’ve gotten to take a weekend away with my family, and we’re headed to Missouri to see KJ’s family next week. One of my best friends is pregnant with her first baby, and we are all super excited to celebrate the little one. Every day I wonder if today is the day we get a call. Will the call ever come? We are trying to continue to have faith that our God has a perfect plan, and it will play out exactly as He intended. We are encouraged by every person who has wished us well, told us their adoption story and who continues to pray for us and our baby. We know someday the wait will have been so worth it, and we be grateful for every second of agonizing anticipation.